18 September 2009 @ 07:28 pm
home is...?  
Classes start on Wednesday, and I am actually very excited about it. I miss having all of that order in my life. I'm heading back to Columbus on Sunday - my dad's driving me halfway, where we're meeting Eric and he's taking me home.

It's funny how Columbus has become home. I guess I always assumed that home would mean where I grew up - the house in the Poconos, where I figured that my parents would live forever and I'd always be able to go back to. The place where I lived close to fifteen years, where I had gone to school, where I had made friends and laughed and cried. I always knew that one day I'd move out and make my own home, but I hadn't expected that it would come before I graduated from college. But ever since my parents moved, it's what's happened. I love my family to death - they're my family. But when I'm "home" with them, in their new apartment and new town, I feel like a visitor. Which I guess I am, since, for the past two years, I've lived full time in an entirely different state. I have a house (albeit with four other girls), a cat, a boyfriend of three years. I have my own room that I can come home to at anytime, my own bed, a kitchen where I can cook what I want when I want, a job. I call it "home". I'm not sure if where you live at college is supposed to become home. Then again, is a two bedroom apartment where you've only been three or four times, where you sleep on the couch, home? Isn't home supposed to be permanent? Or, as cliche as it sounds, is home where your heart is? Is it possible to have two homes, because my heart is constantly in two places - with Eric, and with my family.

It's kind of sad, really. I'm not quite sure what my place is anymore. With Eric? With my family? With both? I don't really know how to express this to anyone. I wonder if it's normal. Is it normal to not know where to call "home"? I call my parents' apartment "home" when I'm at school, and my house in Columbus "home" when I'm in PA. Then again, I also call hotels "home" when I'm on vacation. Maybe I'm just confused about this whole home thing.

I guess I can chalk it up to being a part of growing up, and let it lie. I suppose it doesn't matter, and I should just be grateful to have two wonderful places where I belong, no questions asked.
Current Mood: contemplative